Today is Saturday, Nov. 15th. I've been here for 9 days and today I felt my first tinge of sadness toward being Homesick. I spoke with my brother this morning at 2:30 am (he hasn't adjusted the the new time zone yet :) ) and my fears about his marriage were confirmed: he and his wife are getting a divorce.
This has perhaps been the most difficult year yet for my family. We lost our dear grandmother (the rock of our family) in March of this year, followed by my mother in late August. Just a few days ago my sister had a near fatal accident and now this for my brother...? I will be VERY thankful when 2008 comes to a close. I felt sooo homesick after I got off of the phone with him. I haven't lived in Texas for nearly 10 years now and although I can't see myself ever living there again, my family is there so it will always be "home" to me in the ways that matter the most.
One homesickness led to another and I began thinking of my 'real' home in San Diego---and the homesickness that I knew would be inevitable began to sink in.
San Diego is the first "home" that I selected and made truly for myself...and by myself. By the time I visited there for the first time, I had been around the world a couple of times and had never felt about a city the way I felt about San Diego. It was definitely "Home at First Sight". Over the eight years that I have spent there, I have created some of the best relationships of my life---not like the childhood ones that were somehow pre-selected and packaged for you like a lunchbox at school or church; not because my parents were friends with their parents, etc.
The people in my San Diego life are my true family. They know me on a level few know me...and today, I am missing that.
Today, I am missing WHS (inside joke...sorry).
I miss being on the couch at Suzy's, snuggled up in her blanket with Batman on my lap, watching as she dances in the doorway of her patio---one hand outside holding a cigarette...the other one, inside waving to the rhythm of the music playing in her living room. Watching her dance with her eyes closed is one of my favorite things ever.
I miss late dinners with Athena and drinking white wine (which I only drink with her) out of vintage, rose-colored glasses. I miss seeing the fiery passion that comes out of her eyes when she talks and I miss how there's not one word that she speaks that lacks Meaning.
I miss waking up on a Sunday morning at Justin's house and having the boys stand in the doorway, each wishing me a good morning and the way we then all talk about the night before and the inevitable hangovers that we're going to have that day....and maybe the next day too.
I miss music at the Casbah with Justin and how he always goes to the front near the stage, while I stay at the back so that I can watch the crowd's reaction to the music. I miss how every now and then he will look back to find me just to give me a "thumbs up--this ROCKS" look with his eyes...and then how we then go back to dancing in our own little worlds. Separate....but so Together.
I miss having milk green tea with boba out of small tea cups with Kate---and all of our many, many talks about love and dating...religion and marriage and women and trust and friends and family and self-love...and loving being alone. I especially miss how everytime she spends the night without DJ, she refuses to sleep anywhere else in the house but in my bed with me and how we then stay up until the wee wee hours of the morning talking until there isn't energy for one more word.
I miss hanging out with Steven and Erin and the little girls and how they always apologize for their "messy" house (it really isnt), all the while not knowing that letting me into their "messy" house is the best compliment that they could ever give me. I miss how her little girl, Stella, says my name and smiles when she sees me, and I miss SO much the way that Erin always knows exactly what I'm feeling and thinking, before and without me saying anything at all.
I miss beach days with Jessica and how natural it is to be friends with her. I miss how passionate she is and how she always calls me when there's any political activism to be done. I love the fact that she counts on me to be present for those things...and I love sharing them with her.
I miss my Landmark buddies and how much belief they have in me--especially when this Dubai opportunity came up. But most of all, out of that group, I miss Pablo. I miss how truly Honest our relationship is--it's so rare to be able to completely be your naked, raw self with someone and have them graciously return themself to you in the same manner.
I miss the friendship that I have with Scott...born out of a business transaction. I can't even imagine my resume (personal and business) without this person in my life.
I miss weekends out with Misty and Molly and the boys, and how Misty and Patrick always subtly disappear right around midnight, even thought we always know when they leave...(they really think we're NOT going to notice!!!???). I miss Molly's infamous "booty dance" and the way she engages people right down to the marrow in their bones. I miss the way she makes me (and everyone) laugh and feel so comfortable and I miss the countless hours of dating advice from Misty---who also taught me the most regarding the importance of female friends.
I miss my oldest San Diego friend, Dan...and his dry sense of humor that comes out at the most unexpected times. I miss hair cuts and passionate discussions with William. I miss Billy's hugs and the way Patrick snorts when he gets into a laughing fit. I miss Stacy's energy.
I can't even BEGIN to describe the ways in which I miss Sylvie.
These people are really my 'home' no matter where I am. I'm thankful to know that wherever I am, I take you with me. It brings me a lot of comfort. Today, however, I'm wishing I were with all of my San Diego friends...and I'm sending my love out to all of you who are my home...no matter if you are in San Diego, or Texas or on the East Coast, West Coast, New Zealand, France or otherwise.....I'm sending love out to you in volumes too large for my meager words.
