My One-Year-in-Dubai Anniversary recently passed and somehow...somewhere...after a near year-full of wishin' and hopin' and dreamin' of the moment that I would be able to hand my final boarding pass from Dubai to San Diego to the Emirates cabin crew.........I'm still here.
Not only am I still here....but, I'm staying.
Not only am I staying.......
....but, I'm in love.
Two things I honestly thought would never happen. Not here...and not now. But here it is, here I am....and here HE is. Everything I thought I found in another person, that I now understand wasn't there at all. Not even a little bit. Everything I hoped for, but was so very surprised to find wrapped up in the person that it came in.
And my heart is happy....for the first time in approximately 4 years, give or take a few days....I'm really, really happy.
Thank God....
And while I'm at it, I'd like to also thank Him for star-kissed nights in the sand, whispered Hail Mary's in French, Jim Morrison's lyrical poeticism being sung in all the wrong keys, whiskey no-no's, dances in turquoise and quite possibly the cutest dimple-framed smile that there ever, ever was. Oh and "winters" that consist of flip flops, beach days and bathing suits.
It's really not so bad here after all.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
HOME!
I'm on my way home tomorrow....and Dubai will be lucky if it sees me back here after being in San Diego for 2 weeks. If I can give any advice worthwhile here, it's to look around your life and say "thank you" for every little thing in it. As Americans, we have NO idea how good we have it....and I will never again question it.
With that said....my bags are packed, ticket printed and lips puckered to kiss the California ground that I will soon walk on. :)
With that said....my bags are packed, ticket printed and lips puckered to kiss the California ground that I will soon walk on. :)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
sleeping in a sea of drowning prayers
This morning I had the oddest in-and-out of sleep experience yet while living in Dubai. I live in the area of Dubai known as "Downtown". It would be equivalent to living on the 15th floor of a mid-rise tower on the Strip in Las Vegas...or perhaps at the corner of Times Square and 42nd street in NYC. It's a far, far cry from the peace-filled surroundings of my San Diego condo, or the quiet Texas farm that I grew up on.
Every morning, around 4 am, at the nearby Mosque you can hear the sounds of the morning call to prayer...and then a bit later, the actual prayer being sung by a local Islamic man....pouring over the tops of villas and bus stops and construction sites like smoldering ash, seeping into the crevices of dreams and closed eyelids.
Most of the time, I can't hear it....but this morning I woke up to an unfamiliar voice billowing out from the speakers of the mosque and into my single paned windows, waking me.....calling me...a near begging of me.
Sheikh Zayed Road is the busiest thoroughfare in Dubai...and my room is perched above it like a nest that never quite got nestled, due to the ongoing construction of other nests surrounding mine. Frequently, I'm awakened by the sounds of banging, hammering, sawing, craning, nailing....but rarely to that of a prayer such as this one this morning....such a surreal prayer that I could only liken it to that of a drowning victim. Calling...almost as if with water already filling up their mouth...out for anyone in the near vicinity to hear. This man's prayer, was not being drowned in a sea of water...but in a sea of traffic. Cars flying to and fro...like the crashing of waves back and forth on the sea's edge, and a lone voice in the midst of it all, wanting...pleading for safety, serenity and peace.
Dubai is interestingly akin to this picture that was created in my mind. A culture of face-paced business people, speeding through life...and the traditions of the Islamic culture, trying desperately to slow it down. To have a voice above the traffic of the Dubai life. Similarly to the prayer this morning...it often goes unheard in the midst of the development and growth; the expats and tourists; the flash and opulence...the crashing of the waves of a society that wants somewhere to be new-worldly and old-world-like at the same time.
And somewhere amidst the droning sounds of the summoning voice that continued to drift in and out of the waves of traffic passing by....I fell back to sleep in a sea of drowning prayers.
Every morning, around 4 am, at the nearby Mosque you can hear the sounds of the morning call to prayer...and then a bit later, the actual prayer being sung by a local Islamic man....pouring over the tops of villas and bus stops and construction sites like smoldering ash, seeping into the crevices of dreams and closed eyelids.
Most of the time, I can't hear it....but this morning I woke up to an unfamiliar voice billowing out from the speakers of the mosque and into my single paned windows, waking me.....calling me...a near begging of me.
Sheikh Zayed Road is the busiest thoroughfare in Dubai...and my room is perched above it like a nest that never quite got nestled, due to the ongoing construction of other nests surrounding mine. Frequently, I'm awakened by the sounds of banging, hammering, sawing, craning, nailing....but rarely to that of a prayer such as this one this morning....such a surreal prayer that I could only liken it to that of a drowning victim. Calling...almost as if with water already filling up their mouth...out for anyone in the near vicinity to hear. This man's prayer, was not being drowned in a sea of water...but in a sea of traffic. Cars flying to and fro...like the crashing of waves back and forth on the sea's edge, and a lone voice in the midst of it all, wanting...pleading for safety, serenity and peace.
Dubai is interestingly akin to this picture that was created in my mind. A culture of face-paced business people, speeding through life...and the traditions of the Islamic culture, trying desperately to slow it down. To have a voice above the traffic of the Dubai life. Similarly to the prayer this morning...it often goes unheard in the midst of the development and growth; the expats and tourists; the flash and opulence...the crashing of the waves of a society that wants somewhere to be new-worldly and old-world-like at the same time.
And somewhere amidst the droning sounds of the summoning voice that continued to drift in and out of the waves of traffic passing by....I fell back to sleep in a sea of drowning prayers.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
my latest musical obsession
Itunes led to Pandora led to Blip.fm......what's next? I'm addicted to this!!
http://blip.fm/givememusicorgivemedeath
http://blip.fm/givememusicorgivemedeath
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Culture Stew - and the amazing sounds of it.
One of the things I love most about being here is the colorful, robust "stew" of cultures that I immerse myself in on a daily basis. Languages, habits, rituals, traditions, expressions...and music that I have only yet begun to learn and understand. It's so beautiful to me. There is almost a language here all it's own...one created from so many other languages that while walking or dancing or eating you overhear a conglomerate of sounds coming from the myriads of people surrounding you. It's an orchestra of culture...a symphony of the world, and I'm in love with it.
As the world surrounds me here and my love of music is expanding as far as the lines of latitude and longitude, I've been asking my friends here to send me their favorite music and here is just a tiny bit of what I have found here that I love...(more to come):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGMS_nHyr0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJt3DFHnlW4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSh2_o_1zU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm4uDmIdkaY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3onBZ5C95g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFd-ODwC1FA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is-C7szcdGc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJt3DFHnlW4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFd-ODwC1FA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaarYY62_BQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YBy8eKcLCA
As the world surrounds me here and my love of music is expanding as far as the lines of latitude and longitude, I've been asking my friends here to send me their favorite music and here is just a tiny bit of what I have found here that I love...(more to come):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGMS_nHyr0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJt3DFHnlW4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsSh2_o_1zU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm4uDmIdkaY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3onBZ5C95g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFd-ODwC1FA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is-C7szcdGc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJt3DFHnlW4&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFd-ODwC1FA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaarYY62_BQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YBy8eKcLCA
Sunday, March 29, 2009
I haven’t written in a while. Not here…not in my book. Not at all really. Until this past weekend. As I had mentioned, I was having some “page fright”. To say it more honestly, I was afraid the words wouldn’t be good enough…or that there would be too many of them. I was afraid people wouldn’t get them, or that I wouldn’t communicate what I was trying to say “funny” enough…or emotional enough…or non-emotional enough. Honestly, I was afraid that they wouldn’t be “Perfect” enough.
One word that I would consistently use to describe me throughout my life has been “Perfectionist”. As I live in a city that has perhaps been seen more often as a perfect 3D rendering than a real-life city, I draw a strong line of parallel between myself and this city of Dubai that I live in. This city strives for perfection at every turn. It’s never-ending thirst for growth and expansion is something that I understand. It’s desire to be the best, the biggest, the tallest, the most perfect is something that resonates deep within my personality.
However, in living here…I see something of Dubai that is quite different. As I drove around yesterday cursing the construction that aides the endless development of this fast-growing, but slow-to-learn city, I saw beyond the scaffolding something familiar. I saw Myself.
This city is somewhat of a metaphor for my own life. I have rendered my life to perfection in my mind. It’s shiny and soft around the edges. The sunlight is beaming from a perfectly silver-lined cloud onto the building of me that is the tallest and brightest in the world. The air surrounding me is clear and peaceful. Birds are flying around at the top of my beautiful exterior. The buildings surrounding me look like bright white land angels…sitting at my feet, listening to the brilliant stories that I tell. Of course, there is music…and nothing else to hear. The streets are clean and lined with greenery as bright as anything you have ever seen. The flowers are blooming…the beach is clear blue and people everywhere are happy and at peace. Everything is perfect here in the 3D rendered life that lives in my imagination.
However, in my “real life”, there is a dingy dust-filled background filled only of noise and debris….and scaffolding that reaches tall into the air, covering that shiny building that is yet to be finished. The sky isn’t blue. In fact, there is hardly any color to the sky at all as the sandstorm that frequently takes over the city has blown trash and left-over remnants of wood and cloth into the street and sky, leaving it to have little-to-no color at all. The buildings surrounding me are not stark-white, but have a layer of sand on them, as do all of the cars. Nothing looks clean. The streets are littered with spittle and trash and dirty water. The air is not clear, but smells of unbathed peoples from all over the world. There is no music, only the sounds of sanding and sawing and hammering and honking and screeching and talking in languages that I cannot understand. Nothing is clear….and nothing is Perfect here in my “real-life” life.
Though, what I've found here in all of this...is Beauty. A beauty that is unique all on it's own. It's a beauty of Process. It's a beauty of growth. The beauty of constructing a new City, over and over, expanding it in every direction, pushing vertically and horizontally, and even on diagonal. It’s a beauty of change, and a beauty of Blossoming.
Perhaps Dubai will never be Perfect…..and for certain, neither will I. But I’m slowly learning to embrace the Beauty of Imperfection. I’m learning to accept the beauty of my own growth. I’m learning to accept that there are things that I can change and things that I cannot. I’m learning to accept the scaffolding that surrounds my ever-growing building, and I’m learning to like the noise of the construction that means work is endlessly being done. I’m learning to accept that nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be….least of all Me.
That’s not to say that I will give up. I think Dubai and I will continue our stretch at being the best that we can be….and hopefully we can both accept the Perfection that already exists beneath the noise, debris and scaffolding.
One word that I would consistently use to describe me throughout my life has been “Perfectionist”. As I live in a city that has perhaps been seen more often as a perfect 3D rendering than a real-life city, I draw a strong line of parallel between myself and this city of Dubai that I live in. This city strives for perfection at every turn. It’s never-ending thirst for growth and expansion is something that I understand. It’s desire to be the best, the biggest, the tallest, the most perfect is something that resonates deep within my personality.
However, in living here…I see something of Dubai that is quite different. As I drove around yesterday cursing the construction that aides the endless development of this fast-growing, but slow-to-learn city, I saw beyond the scaffolding something familiar. I saw Myself.
This city is somewhat of a metaphor for my own life. I have rendered my life to perfection in my mind. It’s shiny and soft around the edges. The sunlight is beaming from a perfectly silver-lined cloud onto the building of me that is the tallest and brightest in the world. The air surrounding me is clear and peaceful. Birds are flying around at the top of my beautiful exterior. The buildings surrounding me look like bright white land angels…sitting at my feet, listening to the brilliant stories that I tell. Of course, there is music…and nothing else to hear. The streets are clean and lined with greenery as bright as anything you have ever seen. The flowers are blooming…the beach is clear blue and people everywhere are happy and at peace. Everything is perfect here in the 3D rendered life that lives in my imagination.
However, in my “real life”, there is a dingy dust-filled background filled only of noise and debris….and scaffolding that reaches tall into the air, covering that shiny building that is yet to be finished. The sky isn’t blue. In fact, there is hardly any color to the sky at all as the sandstorm that frequently takes over the city has blown trash and left-over remnants of wood and cloth into the street and sky, leaving it to have little-to-no color at all. The buildings surrounding me are not stark-white, but have a layer of sand on them, as do all of the cars. Nothing looks clean. The streets are littered with spittle and trash and dirty water. The air is not clear, but smells of unbathed peoples from all over the world. There is no music, only the sounds of sanding and sawing and hammering and honking and screeching and talking in languages that I cannot understand. Nothing is clear….and nothing is Perfect here in my “real-life” life.
Though, what I've found here in all of this...is Beauty. A beauty that is unique all on it's own. It's a beauty of Process. It's a beauty of growth. The beauty of constructing a new City, over and over, expanding it in every direction, pushing vertically and horizontally, and even on diagonal. It’s a beauty of change, and a beauty of Blossoming.
Perhaps Dubai will never be Perfect…..and for certain, neither will I. But I’m slowly learning to embrace the Beauty of Imperfection. I’m learning to accept the beauty of my own growth. I’m learning to accept that there are things that I can change and things that I cannot. I’m learning to accept the scaffolding that surrounds my ever-growing building, and I’m learning to like the noise of the construction that means work is endlessly being done. I’m learning to accept that nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be….least of all Me.
That’s not to say that I will give up. I think Dubai and I will continue our stretch at being the best that we can be….and hopefully we can both accept the Perfection that already exists beneath the noise, debris and scaffolding.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wish me WORDS!
Last year, when I made the list of what I wanted in my life....the one that included living in another country (Dubai listed as one of my three preferred locations) and the same one where I wrote that my dream job was to be a writer, I really had NO idea the power of my words on paper. Not even a week later, I was offered the interview for the position in Dubai...and not even a month and a half following that, I was living here. SINCE I've been here, I've been offered the opportunity to write for three online magazines, one of them being SPIN's global magazine.
In the next month or so, I am to have my own little column about "Dating in Dubai" located on WalkaboutJones.com and HOPEFULLY, I will get off my ass and complete the article that I'm doing for Spin Earth, which can be found on Spinearth.tv under their "Middle East" section (among other articles to follow).
But until then.....I'm having a bit of "writer's block" or "page fright", if you will. So...I'm asking my friends to wish me words....wish me lots and lots of WORRRRDS!!
PS If you read anything that I post and feel like you have some creative, constructive criticism, PLEASE don't hesitate to give it to me. It really is my dream to finish my book while I'm here and trade Architecture school for a Publishing House. I know my blogs are 'lengthy'....this I've already been told. I'm trying to shorten, sweeten and get straight to the point, but also keep in mind that ultimately I want to be a NOVELIST. Not a blog writer...and books are created with lots of words. Lots and lots O words.
Wish me MANY! :)
In the next month or so, I am to have my own little column about "Dating in Dubai" located on WalkaboutJones.com and HOPEFULLY, I will get off my ass and complete the article that I'm doing for Spin Earth, which can be found on Spinearth.tv under their "Middle East" section (among other articles to follow).
But until then.....I'm having a bit of "writer's block" or "page fright", if you will. So...I'm asking my friends to wish me words....wish me lots and lots of WORRRRDS!!
PS If you read anything that I post and feel like you have some creative, constructive criticism, PLEASE don't hesitate to give it to me. It really is my dream to finish my book while I'm here and trade Architecture school for a Publishing House. I know my blogs are 'lengthy'....this I've already been told. I'm trying to shorten, sweeten and get straight to the point, but also keep in mind that ultimately I want to be a NOVELIST. Not a blog writer...and books are created with lots of words. Lots and lots O words.
Wish me MANY! :)
Thursday, February 5, 2009
ear-waxing unphilosophical
Today I had to go to the local hospital to get medical clearance in order to be an official Dubai resident. I had been putting it off, frankly. Being in a line of any kind gives me anxiety and makes me frustrated. Being in a line in a local Dubai hospital…? Well….the thought of it gave me the same feeling that thoughts of lying naked on a big wooden block table while being tortured to death by large Viking men gave me. It’s not on my top ten list of ‘fun things to do’. In fact, the only way it will register on any top ten list of mine is perhaps as one the top ten things I would like to never experience again.
However, I woke up this morning knowing that I had to go, so I decided to make the best of it. I threw a book, some candy and a bottle of water in my purse—hopped in another B.O. saturated taxi and was on my way by 9.00 am. My colleagues had assured me that since I was female (and a blonde one) that I should have no issues whatsoever in going to front of the very long line of people that would be there. That mostly didn’t make me feel good, but today I was all too happy to ‘work it”, so I donned some extra feminine clothes and put a few more than normal curls in my hair that were enough to make even Miss Texas proud. I know it’s pathetic…trust me…no one knows it more than me. However, if it was gonna get me out of a literal stinking long line, I was more than happy to feel guilty about for 5 minutes rather than sit there holding my breath for 5 hours. I walked in, curls a flowin’ and quickly went through the first line, got to the counter, paid for the exam, signed some paperwork and went to my second line…….which had chairs. This, I thought, was NOT a good sign. This did not signify “fast service” to me. This signified that my ass was about to get so tired of standing that it was going to need a place to sit down, so they figured if I started in a seated position maybe I wouldn’t complain. That’s what this meant to me.
“Ok”, I thought…”lets do this”, and I pulled out my book to notice the title of the book that I had randomly selected on this fine day in Dubai. It was called, “Killing Yourself to Live”. Apropo. I selected it because it was written by a senior writer at Spin Magazine, Chuck Klosterman…and since I’m doing a story for them, I figured that I should familiarize myself with what they deem as “good music writing”. Plus, it was about music and he is sarcastic as hell, so I thought it looked like a good idea all the way around. Only about 5 minutes into the inner-workings of Chuck’s demented head (which I love, by the way) did my biggest fear of this kind of place start to take place right in front of me. I sat there in a room full of men mostly….Pakistani, Indian, Morrocan, Eqyptian, Arabic men. There were only a few women sprinkled into the mix, and while you might think that my fear would be based on something having to do with one of the many unbathed men in the room, it came from a tiny local women, dressed head to toe in a very fancy and elaborate Birkha.
I watched as she turned from the counter and began walking toward me. She was on the phone, her black birkha flowing beautifully behind her, the edges embedded with rhinestones and her Fendi bag swaying. She stopped in the middle of the room to finish her loud phone conversation, sunglasses still on. I could see her jeans underneath the Birkha, complete with high heels that would make Fergie look at least 5’ 5’ tall. She put the phone into her purse and then my world went into slow motion as I saw her finger come out of her purse and right into her ear. Maybe you know, maybe you don’t: I’m a complete and utter germaphobe. It’s not something I’m proud of. The level of my germaphobedness disturbs even me. It’s not quite to the level of my friend, Cori’s fear of midgets. She has a fear of midgets that ranks up there with Howard Hughes’ Mysophobia (official term for the fear of Germs). Sometimes I would fear being in public with her because if she saw a midget, a loud shrilling scream would come out of her mouth and she would do the whole shiver dance right there in front of the midget, if need be. It was as if she had a fear of spiders and there were an 8’ spider standing in front of her. At least I don’t scream and shiver when I see germs…but I’m not far off.
It’s amazing to me that I’ve ever at all been engaged in any sexual activity with another person in my entire life as the very thought of another human’s bodily fluids, excretions or salivations of any kind are nearly enough to send me into a full-on seizure. Smelling other people sometimes makes me want to vomit…especially the way they smell in Dubai, but I’ve gotten somewhat used to it. I’ve even gotten quite used to watching precisely the spot on the ground where I place my feet while walking so as to avoid the numerous random “loogies” that spittle their way across the streets and sidewalks and parking lots of Dubai.
Today, though…while sitting and reading and waiting for the hospital to stamp me, “Dubai-worthy” my attention was completely and utterly focused on one feminine finger and the ear that it met. This was not just a little quick finger in the ear situation going on there in front of me. This was a forefinger meets ear situation. The forefinger screamed “determination” to me. It wasn’t just some light little tickle of the ear that the pinky finger could take care of. Not just a quick little pinky-in, pinky-out. The forefinger meant serious business.
I watched in slow motion horror as she rotated the finger four of five times – then gave a couple of inevitable ‘up/down’ scratches, then went back for at least two more rotations before she pushed it further into her ear for one more good tug. My skin got into it’s crawling position as I then saw her remove the forefinger, reach under her Birkha and wipe it on her jeans. I didn’t care about the jeans. I was happy that the Birkha was making extra good use of itself today and I didn’t have to see the area on her jeans where the ear wax met the threads. All I cared about at this moment was that forefinger.
The slow motion stopped and she walked quickly back over to the counter, my eyes fixated on that forefinger, as I knew I was going to have to be back at that counter sometime very soon…..and that’s when it happened: the slow motion started again as she picked up the desk pen with that forefinger. She signed her papers with that pen that was being used by that forefinger. The forefinger that had just been in her ear. I had used that pen not 10 minutes prior to her using it. She put it down and some unsuspecting guy picked the pen up right after her. I could feel the whites of my eyes dry out as I had been staring at the whole situation…freaked out completely. I made it a point to not get anywhere near the counter when I went back and to make SURE that I didn’t touch that public pen. Or any public pen. Ever again.
I went back to reading Chuck while I waited. I needed something funny to help me out of my little cootie-phobia. I needed something so funny that my brain cells didn’t burst over the idea of some ear wax on a pen. By the way RE: the curls…not helping. My hair’s near “Aqua Net” status only looked good on the passport photos I took earlier this morning before coming here. The typist working on my application doesn’t give a shit about my curls OR my blond hair. His computer is down. Thank God for the chairs.
He finally finishes at 9:45, and I then get surprised by an Emirate man that comes over to personally escort me to the next line. The nicest surprise, however, was how he smelled. He smelled GOOD. He didn’t look good, but he smelled good. It doesn’t take a lot to attract me here, it seems, although it’s more rare than you can imagine: just smell good. That’s it. Just bathe for the love of Allah! With SOAP!
I get to the next line where there is a section for men and section for women. There were about 100 men. There were two women: me and this other chick who was wearing a shirt that said, “This could all be yours” written across her breasts and stomach. I’m wondering how these shirts work with men when they read them. Does knowing that “This could all be yours” make you want it? Whatever…at least her fingers weren’t in her ear. The Germaphobia was now in full affect. I was watching everyone and everything. I wouldn’t even let my elbows inadvertently touch the frames of the doors as I went into the blood collection room. Why? Because after taking my blood, they did not give me a band-aid. They just wiped a little cotton swab on me and told me to “hold it”. I’m thinking more than half of the people coming in and out of there didn’t “hold it”…in fact, I knew they didn’t because you could see random little cotton balls all over the floor.
I was in a live version of Super Mario Brothers, only I’m not getting points for this shit. I’m probably being deducted points somewhere for being such a weirdo…and there were no options for me to jump over the balls or run into those little mushroom looking things that gave me super germ-evading powers. I was just some curly haired blond chic walking around holding my breath with my bloody cotton ball held tightly to my vein dodging public pens and loogies and used cotton balls on the floor.
Thankfully, they finally released me and I got to get back into another BO saturated taxi (it’s amazing to me how many flavors of BO there are in this city) that drove maniacly while nearly choreographing his near-death driving to the sounds of P-Diddy's “Shake Your Tail Feather”, which conjured images of my ex-colleague Michael, that when dancing to this at company parties, would actually make little ‘feathers’ out of his hands behind his ass while he danced around the room…. At this point, I’m still clutching my cotton ball, trying not to breathe or touch anything and I think to myself, “I might have a problem”. “I should probably see a doctor”. He’d probably just want to inspect my ears….and then I’d have to suffer through the thoughts of “how clean are those ear inspecting sleeves?”…”how do I know that someone else didn’t have one in their ear first?”…..and upon leaving I’d look down at the pen and wonder whose ear wax might or might not be on it.
I think Dubai is not the place for me. Perhaps anywhere besides a clean room isn’t the place for me. Just don’t put me in one with a midget and my friend Cori, please. But please….do put me in it with Chuck. Just make sure he has deodorant on and that his ears are clean.
However, I woke up this morning knowing that I had to go, so I decided to make the best of it. I threw a book, some candy and a bottle of water in my purse—hopped in another B.O. saturated taxi and was on my way by 9.00 am. My colleagues had assured me that since I was female (and a blonde one) that I should have no issues whatsoever in going to front of the very long line of people that would be there. That mostly didn’t make me feel good, but today I was all too happy to ‘work it”, so I donned some extra feminine clothes and put a few more than normal curls in my hair that were enough to make even Miss Texas proud. I know it’s pathetic…trust me…no one knows it more than me. However, if it was gonna get me out of a literal stinking long line, I was more than happy to feel guilty about for 5 minutes rather than sit there holding my breath for 5 hours. I walked in, curls a flowin’ and quickly went through the first line, got to the counter, paid for the exam, signed some paperwork and went to my second line…….which had chairs. This, I thought, was NOT a good sign. This did not signify “fast service” to me. This signified that my ass was about to get so tired of standing that it was going to need a place to sit down, so they figured if I started in a seated position maybe I wouldn’t complain. That’s what this meant to me.
“Ok”, I thought…”lets do this”, and I pulled out my book to notice the title of the book that I had randomly selected on this fine day in Dubai. It was called, “Killing Yourself to Live”. Apropo. I selected it because it was written by a senior writer at Spin Magazine, Chuck Klosterman…and since I’m doing a story for them, I figured that I should familiarize myself with what they deem as “good music writing”. Plus, it was about music and he is sarcastic as hell, so I thought it looked like a good idea all the way around. Only about 5 minutes into the inner-workings of Chuck’s demented head (which I love, by the way) did my biggest fear of this kind of place start to take place right in front of me. I sat there in a room full of men mostly….Pakistani, Indian, Morrocan, Eqyptian, Arabic men. There were only a few women sprinkled into the mix, and while you might think that my fear would be based on something having to do with one of the many unbathed men in the room, it came from a tiny local women, dressed head to toe in a very fancy and elaborate Birkha.
I watched as she turned from the counter and began walking toward me. She was on the phone, her black birkha flowing beautifully behind her, the edges embedded with rhinestones and her Fendi bag swaying. She stopped in the middle of the room to finish her loud phone conversation, sunglasses still on. I could see her jeans underneath the Birkha, complete with high heels that would make Fergie look at least 5’ 5’ tall. She put the phone into her purse and then my world went into slow motion as I saw her finger come out of her purse and right into her ear. Maybe you know, maybe you don’t: I’m a complete and utter germaphobe. It’s not something I’m proud of. The level of my germaphobedness disturbs even me. It’s not quite to the level of my friend, Cori’s fear of midgets. She has a fear of midgets that ranks up there with Howard Hughes’ Mysophobia (official term for the fear of Germs). Sometimes I would fear being in public with her because if she saw a midget, a loud shrilling scream would come out of her mouth and she would do the whole shiver dance right there in front of the midget, if need be. It was as if she had a fear of spiders and there were an 8’ spider standing in front of her. At least I don’t scream and shiver when I see germs…but I’m not far off.
It’s amazing to me that I’ve ever at all been engaged in any sexual activity with another person in my entire life as the very thought of another human’s bodily fluids, excretions or salivations of any kind are nearly enough to send me into a full-on seizure. Smelling other people sometimes makes me want to vomit…especially the way they smell in Dubai, but I’ve gotten somewhat used to it. I’ve even gotten quite used to watching precisely the spot on the ground where I place my feet while walking so as to avoid the numerous random “loogies” that spittle their way across the streets and sidewalks and parking lots of Dubai.
Today, though…while sitting and reading and waiting for the hospital to stamp me, “Dubai-worthy” my attention was completely and utterly focused on one feminine finger and the ear that it met. This was not just a little quick finger in the ear situation going on there in front of me. This was a forefinger meets ear situation. The forefinger screamed “determination” to me. It wasn’t just some light little tickle of the ear that the pinky finger could take care of. Not just a quick little pinky-in, pinky-out. The forefinger meant serious business.
I watched in slow motion horror as she rotated the finger four of five times – then gave a couple of inevitable ‘up/down’ scratches, then went back for at least two more rotations before she pushed it further into her ear for one more good tug. My skin got into it’s crawling position as I then saw her remove the forefinger, reach under her Birkha and wipe it on her jeans. I didn’t care about the jeans. I was happy that the Birkha was making extra good use of itself today and I didn’t have to see the area on her jeans where the ear wax met the threads. All I cared about at this moment was that forefinger.
The slow motion stopped and she walked quickly back over to the counter, my eyes fixated on that forefinger, as I knew I was going to have to be back at that counter sometime very soon…..and that’s when it happened: the slow motion started again as she picked up the desk pen with that forefinger. She signed her papers with that pen that was being used by that forefinger. The forefinger that had just been in her ear. I had used that pen not 10 minutes prior to her using it. She put it down and some unsuspecting guy picked the pen up right after her. I could feel the whites of my eyes dry out as I had been staring at the whole situation…freaked out completely. I made it a point to not get anywhere near the counter when I went back and to make SURE that I didn’t touch that public pen. Or any public pen. Ever again.
I went back to reading Chuck while I waited. I needed something funny to help me out of my little cootie-phobia. I needed something so funny that my brain cells didn’t burst over the idea of some ear wax on a pen. By the way RE: the curls…not helping. My hair’s near “Aqua Net” status only looked good on the passport photos I took earlier this morning before coming here. The typist working on my application doesn’t give a shit about my curls OR my blond hair. His computer is down. Thank God for the chairs.
He finally finishes at 9:45, and I then get surprised by an Emirate man that comes over to personally escort me to the next line. The nicest surprise, however, was how he smelled. He smelled GOOD. He didn’t look good, but he smelled good. It doesn’t take a lot to attract me here, it seems, although it’s more rare than you can imagine: just smell good. That’s it. Just bathe for the love of Allah! With SOAP!
I get to the next line where there is a section for men and section for women. There were about 100 men. There were two women: me and this other chick who was wearing a shirt that said, “This could all be yours” written across her breasts and stomach. I’m wondering how these shirts work with men when they read them. Does knowing that “This could all be yours” make you want it? Whatever…at least her fingers weren’t in her ear. The Germaphobia was now in full affect. I was watching everyone and everything. I wouldn’t even let my elbows inadvertently touch the frames of the doors as I went into the blood collection room. Why? Because after taking my blood, they did not give me a band-aid. They just wiped a little cotton swab on me and told me to “hold it”. I’m thinking more than half of the people coming in and out of there didn’t “hold it”…in fact, I knew they didn’t because you could see random little cotton balls all over the floor.
I was in a live version of Super Mario Brothers, only I’m not getting points for this shit. I’m probably being deducted points somewhere for being such a weirdo…and there were no options for me to jump over the balls or run into those little mushroom looking things that gave me super germ-evading powers. I was just some curly haired blond chic walking around holding my breath with my bloody cotton ball held tightly to my vein dodging public pens and loogies and used cotton balls on the floor.
Thankfully, they finally released me and I got to get back into another BO saturated taxi (it’s amazing to me how many flavors of BO there are in this city) that drove maniacly while nearly choreographing his near-death driving to the sounds of P-Diddy's “Shake Your Tail Feather”, which conjured images of my ex-colleague Michael, that when dancing to this at company parties, would actually make little ‘feathers’ out of his hands behind his ass while he danced around the room…. At this point, I’m still clutching my cotton ball, trying not to breathe or touch anything and I think to myself, “I might have a problem”. “I should probably see a doctor”. He’d probably just want to inspect my ears….and then I’d have to suffer through the thoughts of “how clean are those ear inspecting sleeves?”…”how do I know that someone else didn’t have one in their ear first?”…..and upon leaving I’d look down at the pen and wonder whose ear wax might or might not be on it.
I think Dubai is not the place for me. Perhaps anywhere besides a clean room isn’t the place for me. Just don’t put me in one with a midget and my friend Cori, please. But please….do put me in it with Chuck. Just make sure he has deodorant on and that his ears are clean.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)